Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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