But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You've changed since you got that strap on
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
