i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
