He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
