went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
