Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
ttyl tear gas
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
