she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
