O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
