something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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