Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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