i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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