theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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