If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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