wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
