I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
just tell him i said nine months
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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