I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love having hate sex.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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