You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
