What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
