I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
