Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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