Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
