This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
