don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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