she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
