I skipped work to stalk him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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