Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
