I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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