I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
