Say something about gay babies.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Michael Bay diarrhea
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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