So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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