There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
