just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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