we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
