New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize