Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
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We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
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ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out