found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.