K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.