Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.