I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
well most of my day revolves around power hour
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
