so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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