Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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