He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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