she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
