do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
