i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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