That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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