:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
