hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
