More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
