i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
