Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
