he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
