she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
