I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
this will be a night to untag.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
