I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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