drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
