weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
