You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
