i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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