i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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