did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
