I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
