what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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