i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was like eating out sand paper
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
