Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
