so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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