Please don't use social media to get back at me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
