I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
