Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
