found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
