I smell stomach acid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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