Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
