i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
