I've blown a few things in my day
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
